Becoming

So, I promised at one point to share with some readers of a different blog I had about ways I have struggled with the SW code of ethics and how I am working through those struggles.  I have to admit that writing this makes me feel a bit vulnerable.  After all, by definition, I am about to tell you the ways that internally I have not always thought in ways completely in line with the values of our profession.  By definition, that is worthy of criticism according to the values of our profession.  All I can do is ask for your patience and forbearance if these struggles hit on points of the code that you find especially important personally or if you find aspects of my struggles offensive or objectionable.  Also, I can promise you that at no point in my struggling was I disrespectful in my treatment of others.  Treating others with disrespect is morally objectionable to me, no matter the situation.

So, we'll start with the one that has been most blatant for me.  I grew up in a conservative Christian context in which any sex outside of a male-female married relationship was considered sinful.  Unfortunately, for reasons that make little sense to me, sexual acts between two people of the same gender were considered especially objectionable.  Sorting out my beliefs about homosexuality has been one of the challenges of my time in this program.  There was one thing I came into the program clear about: everyone should be treated with dignity and respect, independent of their sexual orientation or practices.  But especially this semester, it became clear to me that I needed to sort out my perspective in more detail.  My church, which has been a very rich, warm and loving community for me, taught that it is not sinful to have homosexual attractions, but it is sinful to have sexual interaction with someone of your own gender.  The social work values of self-determination and nondiscrimination stated that in no way could such a view be allowed to influence how I interacted with people.  I struggled to reconcile these perspectives, both of which I appreciated to some extent.

This issue came to a head for me this semester as I started a field placement at a faith-based counseling center, and was surprised to discover that my supervisor had a large number of homosexual and transgender clients.  Thankfully, she was open to having extensive conversations about the topic.  Early on, she pointed out that I actually had two different issues to sort out: my personal beliefs on the issue, and how I would handle the issue with clients.  In some sense, the social work value of self-determination seemed to make my personal opinion a moot point when it came to interacting with clients.  But I was pretty sure it would not be that simple in practice.  Several of my professors have pointed out that the biggest tool a therapist brings to a client is themselves.  I knew that as long as I had confused emotions on the topic, I might do unintentional harm.  Most importantly, I was not clear what "harm" was.  Could I sit across the room from a homosexual client who was thinking seriously about celibacy and encourage them in what seemed like such an isolating decision?  Could I sit across the room from a homosexual client who changed sexual partners regularly and fully empathize with any struggles they were having?  The idea of a homosexual person with one partner to whom they were faithful was a little easier for me to swallow, but I was not sure it was Biblical.  Regardless, I needed to be able to support self-determination.  Was this issue important enough that it was worth being at odds with my church about?  At one point I even wondered whether I needed to leave a church that had been and continues to be an essential and wonderful support to my family.

In the context in which  I was doing my field placement, I had the option of simply not seeing clients who were homosexual, or who had belief systems that significantly diverged from mine.  However, this was not my preference.  I wanted to be able to serve a wide variety of clients from any and every belief system, and knew that for me to do so well I needed to sort out my own beliefs a little more clearly.

Thankfully my field supervisor really encouraged this quest.  In fact, she said that any field time I spent working through this issue, she considered time well spent.  I went after books and articles on the topic, I talked to my pastor, I talked to other close friends, I had multiple conversations with my field supervisor about the role of the therapist, what it means to be healthy, the challenges faced by different types of people, her own thinking in relation to this topic, and so forth.  Yay for the power of good supervision!  I also shadowed her as she did therapy with homosexual and transgender clients, as well as heterosexual clients.  I heard their stories and saw how she responded to the various issues they brought to therapy sessions.

Along with my interactions with my supervisor, one of the most important resources in this search for me was a book called Washed and Waiting.  The author, Wesley Hill, tells his story of discovering his homosexuality, coming to accept it, and, because of his religious beliefs, choosing celibacy.  He shares the challenges and riches that have come from this decision.  Part of my question was whether I could sit across the room from a homosexual client, and encourage them in this choice if it was what they wanted.  Wesley Hill convinced me both that this choice is incredibly difficult - I have never read a more poignant description of loneliness - and significantly rewarding, not just for the individual, but for the community.  Somehow, feeling more at peace with the possibility of that choice allowed me to also feel more at peace with self-determination generally.  If I have homosexual clients who are sexually active, that is only to be expected.  If I have homosexual clients who choose not to be, that is alright too.  Both choices have their pain and their riches, their challenges and their joys.  My role is to be with clients wherever they are at, and today I feel I can do that.  In fact I have found repeatedly that when I am at peace with my own beliefs, I can be open to client beliefs and lifestyles without feeling threatened, and more fully support self-determination.

I have come to some conclusions about my personal beliefs surrounding this issue.  However, now that I am at peace with my own views, what they are is not essential to my role as a social worker.  I am confident in my ability to serve people well, no matter their belief system.  And that is what I needed to be sure of.

If you have found this post dissatisfying, incomplete, or problematic, feel free to write me about it!  Believe me, this is an ongoing thought process and conversation for me, and I would love to engage with anyone who is open to doing that in ways that are thoughtful and respectful.  My email can be found here.